It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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