no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
