You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
