It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
