you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
