Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
