I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
