me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
