You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize