I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
