We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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