covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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