I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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