Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
