Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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