Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
