I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
