I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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