You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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