next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
