Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
