I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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