i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize