she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
