if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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