Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
