Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
