Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's get the cat blown out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
