i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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