i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
