you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
