Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
