Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
