I could make wine with my vomit
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
