Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
