If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
