Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
