Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
