failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
