yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
