drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
