Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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