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the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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