"it" just moved
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
