Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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