can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
