I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize