We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
