Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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