she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
