dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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