please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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