i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
