At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
