um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
