The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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