i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
