just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
