I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
