Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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