walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize