I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
