i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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