So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
