Me too!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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