Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
