the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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