So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
