dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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