Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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