Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
