I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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