How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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